


So Not the Inquisitor

by nerdlordsupreme



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: ADHD, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Chubby OC, Diary/Journal, Dissociation, F/F, F/M, Fade Dreams, Look at all these tags, M/M, Modern Character in Thedas, Modern Girl in Thedas, References to Depression, Spirits, The Fade, confused class system
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-07-19 17:41:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7371358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdlordsupreme/pseuds/nerdlordsupreme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A leatherbound journal.<br/>The diary of a distressed woman, found in the Hinterlands. Will she survive? She certainly doesn't believe so.<br/>Inspired by Dislocated Souls by LonelyAgain</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Discovery

Day 3  
I found this book off of some dead body in the woods.It was disgusting. I barfed. But now I got this journal, so bonus. 

It’s been three days since I last saw civilization. All I’ve seen has been trees and goat/sheep and these gross bald rabbits. I wasn’t even sure if there were people here until now. They must be civilized, by the looks of this book. It’s leather, I think, and the paper is thick and sort of yellow. Parchment? The letters on the first few pages are definitely not English so… there probably is gonna be a language problem. Hopefully this guy was just foreign or something. 

It feels pretty temperate here, maybe it’s spring? Or a warm winter? Too cool to be summer, and no leaves turning color. The stars are all whack, I can’t even find the Big Dipper. And the moons. The MOONS. Plural! This is insane and I’m--The letters smudge, stains of water present on the page--- I’m out of meds. I’ve gone a day without before, but three? Day two my head started swimming. Ugh, I hate that feeling. Now I’m all emotional and distracted and I don’t have time for another panic attack. I’ve already had a couple. Not fun. Screw this. I miss my bed, I miss toilets, I miss my wifi. I really miss coffee.

Day 9  
People! And they speak English! I must’ve looked a sight-- a filthy, tubby, dehydrated lady tumbling out of the woods. Turns out I had developed a fever, and collapsed into a camp. Lace, this sweet short lady, said I’d been out of it for five days. Five days! I’ve never been sick that bad before, and I never want to again. I still feel terrible. Their doctor...Healer… gave me this medicine this morning. Called it a potion. It tasted terrible, like bitter tea left to ferment in the sun. It just might be, actually.  
Lace asked what I was doing out here, the Hinterlands, she called it. I cried. I mean, I started out fine, saying “I don’t know, I’m lost and I don’t know where I am or what to do”, and then that tingling feeling in my nose came, followed by the tightening of my throat and chest, and then the waterworks. So there I was, sobbing and blubbering about how scared I was and how I wanted to go home. Poor Lace, she had no idea what to do. A hand gently squeezed my own, accompanied by a smile. “Don’t worry, my lady. We’ll make sure you get home safe and sound.” Oh, bless her heart. This got her a blubbery bear hug.

Speaking of My lady, what’s with that?

 

Day 10  
I’m an idiot.  
I just realized where the hell I am.  
Fucking Thedas. Are you kidding me? I’ve been here for over a week and I’m only putting the pieces together now? Lace Harding. The Hinterlands. Elves! Dwarves! Qunari! The Inquisition! The poor elf, Mirriam. The poor thing had to deal with me gaping and exclaiming. She had returned from scouting ahead, tired and already grumpy only to get yelled at. I had come out the tent I had been confined to, eyes wide. “Holy hell! Your ears!” This got everyone startled, and Mirriam pissed. I mean pissed. Apparently I was some “prissy, corn-fed cow”. That hurt. A lot. Did I cry? ...Maybe. Hey, I’m as emotional as a baby without antidepressants. 

I stayed in my tent for the rest of the day after that. That’s where I am now. Man, if I was gonna be stuck in a land with elves and dwarves and magic, why couldn’t it have been Lord of the Rings? I actually know that elvish. Some of it, anyway. Guess that means the fade is a thing, huh? Guess I’ll have to try and focus on my dreams this time. And stay away from eggs. Cough.

I miss toilets.

Man, why couldn’t I be like one of those fanfics and actually be useful? At least those stories had them turn into things. Mostly elves. Right now I wanna be a qunari. But nooo. That would make things too easy for me! 

Lace came in, asked how I was doing. She says there’s a group of scouts heading to Haven tomorrow. There I could ask around, find my family. Bless this dwarf. I gave her another hug. She is going to end up with lots of Deidre hugs, that’s for sure.


	2. Hiking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Traveling. Complaining. Starting to get an idea of what's happening.

Day 12

So dreaming is pretty weird. I haven't really realized that until I had 'joined the Inquisition'. So far it's been more of a hazy, plane of existence of dreams. I'll see how lucid I can get.

Have I mentioned that I hate hikes? Early yesterday morning we had started off our week's journey to Haven.  _Very_ early. One scout-- James, I think he said his name was. Jim? Geoffrey? Jackson? Something with a J-- had been given the 'privilege to be assigned over my care'. I've been given a babysitter. We both vocalized our distaste, trailing behind the group. Not my fault I'm slow.

We had started off name calling by the end of the day, his favorite seems to be Princess or Your Majesty. It started after I groaned about a blister growing on my foot. 

"Would you like me to rub your feet for you?" He offered. ...I should have noticed the sarcasm. 

"Oh god, yes please!" He laughed, shaking his head as he walked on. Now it won't stop. Help. I need to think of a good one for him. 

J says that we'll make it to Haven in five days if we hurry, a week at the rate we're going. A week of more walking. Hooray. I suppose I should get used to this sooner than later. I sleep in a tent with the rest of the women. I don't think they like me.

Today was kinda worse, I got slower with the growing blisters all over my heels and toes. During our break, I had started tearing strips off my shirt. The poor, ratty thing has seen better days. Some girl stopped me, gently chiding me about ruining some nicely woven fabric. Her name was Shoran, Dalish by the look of those tattoos twisting and curling on her face. She saw my sore feet, and gave me a stern "wait here." I waited, and she came back with some old cloth. I was about to thank her, start wrapping up my feet, but she beat me to it. 

I started crying. Again.

She was startled by my response, but patient, gently patting and rubbing my shoulder. I need to get my emotions under control, dammit. 

By the time we made camp, I got her to join J and I around the fire, giving hugs. Shoran chuckled and hugged back. J coughed and froze up. Then there was a grumble, not sure what he said. Maybe tomorrow will be better? Shoran said she'll walk with us tomorrow, that it wasn't a problem with how slow we ---I--- was going. 

"Nothing wrong with taking your time and enjoying the world around you." Haha, no I'm just slow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is me trying to get this idea down on paper and hopefully not be terrible. Yay.


	3. Chapter 3

Day 13

My dream last night was pretty vague. There were people marching. Or was that us?

Morning came too soon. Again. Shoran was already up and chipper, apparently she's a morning person. Hooray. Once I finally was up on my feet, I found a steaming wooden mug in my hands. I asked what it was. "Tea. It helps to shake off the excess sleep." Shoran, bless her. I grumbled out a thank you, taking a sip. Bitter. And not in a good coffee way. I smiled, giving a thumbs up. She looked pleased. 

No wonder the egg hates tea, no one sweetens it.

Day three of walking, and it was starting to get cold. Snow piles started to show up along the path, and my brain instantly had an idea. J got a snowball to the face. Shoran and I laughed, the face of shock perfect. And that was when I got a handful of snow down my neck. Ten minutes later, us three were soaked and freezing and sore with laughter. We got J to laugh! Turns out it's Julian. We had to stop and try and bundle up. I said we'd have to get out of these wet clothes. They looked at me like I had grown a second head. Christ, how did these guys last this long? A bunch of arguing later, us three had gotten into dry clothes. I had to borrow from another scout, the pants I was first offered didn't fit. They were men's pants. The struggle is real, even in Thedas. The pants that finally for past my thighs were too wide at the waist, so the rest of the walk I was constantly holding them up. Gonna ask for a belt later.

We finally had a chat, us three. Turns out Julian is from Antiva. He had come to Fereldan when the Breach happened. I asked if he missed home. "Sometimes," he shrugged, staring at the fire. "But I'm needed here. Home can wait for the world to get fixed."

Shoran wasn't too eager to share her life story. Maybe another time.

Everything is freezing, hope I don't get punched for accidentally spooning the person next to me during the night.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter? So soon?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiking. Talking. Enjoying the lovely flora and fauna.

Day 14

Didn't really dream last night. Nothing to remember anyway.

I found myself awake before most of my tent, and quickly figured out why. It was cold. Me hugging the wall as far away from everyone else.... Turns out that wasn't a good idea. Despite the accumulation of body heat, being pressed against the tarp led the cold and the condensation drop its way onto me and my bed roll. Not a good wakeup call. 

I climbed out, dragging my wet things with me, and started trying to find a place to dry them. Maybe a tree branch to hang them over. Most of the trees were taken with everyone else's odds and ends. It took a while, but I found a spot, not too far from a stream. Was it from melted runoff or was this always here? Hm. 

The cold is really good at taking the sleep away from you, and roughly too. My nose was probably red once I realized.... My things were frozen. Really, I should've seen this coming. Now fussing over trying to peel the stiff fabric from the wood, fingers melting the ice in places, some bark broke off and stayed stuck. Great.

Cold and now my bedroll frozen and dirty, I made my way back to camp. What are toes? I hope I will still have all ten by the time we make it to Haven. 

Everyone was waking up by now, I didn't need to look for Shoran. I was startled by a sudden hug and a bright "good morning!" Oh yeah. She was definitely a morning person. Not sure if I hate her for that. 

We sat and grabbed some rations for breakfast once our things were packed away. I don't know how, but she got my bedroll to bend and roll up good as new! I tried asking her how she did it. She just winked and walked off. ... Magic, I'm guessing. Or some special Dalish trick. Is that racist?

Breakfast was jerky and dried fruit. Have you ever had dried fruit? Like banana chips or raisins or dried apples? Disgusting. I thought maybe Thedas had a secret into making it taste good. Nope. It's gross everywhere. But still. I ate my share, to my disgust, and chatted with Shoran. Mostly it was her talking, and me occasionally adding my two bits.

Julian finally joined us, hair plastered to one side of his face. I've never really seen his hair before. It's dark, black almost, and looks about shoulder length. I thought it was much shorter. Turns out he keeps it tied up and under his scout hood. 

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty." He just grumbled in response, not sure what it was. Probably a swear. Sounded bad. Shoran made a face and handed him a mug of tea. He ended up staring into his drink for a while. "...."

"....."

"Do how much longer are we gonna have to hike?" I nudged the grump. He took a while to respond, his face slowly rising to give me a slight glare. Aww, I'm sure he didn't mean it. ... Maybe.

"We should arrive in Haven by tomorrow night. If we are not delayed." He punctuated his statement with a drink, hands gripping his mug. What delays? I asked for some examples.

"Bandits, apostates, demons..."

"Breaks, rests, a broken wheel, the weather..." Shoran added, listing them off her fingers. Yikes. More things could go wrong than I thought. 

Soon it was time to start off, and trek through the snow.

It wasn't even the afternoon when I really couldn't feel my feet. And I had to pee. I guess I'm part of those delays, huh? Julian seemed pretty annoyed that I kept griping, begging for a pitstop. 

Finally, the company stopped for a break. I bolted into the woods. Well, more of a stumble, really. No one can run in snow. 

I probably went off a bit too far, or in too much of a hurry, because... I didn't know the way back. I didn't think to remember any landmarks or anything, I'm sorry! First thing I did? Started shouting around. Calling for Jules and Shoran, trying to make my way back. I know, you're told if you get lost to stay where you are. But hell no. There could be bears! Or bandits! Or demons!

I wasn't really looking where I was going, honestly. Still shouting and stumbling, I found myself running into something warm. A warm wall. 

.... It was a bear.

With my luck, it had to be a bear. I've heard the tips of what to do when you run into a bear: don't run, don't make yourself look like a threat. So what did I do?

I froze. 

I've never frozen in terror before! But here I was, unable to get myself to move. The next few minutes went on for an eternity. The brown bear chuffed, its snout in my face. It sniffed at my face, my hair. I could see its teeth right in my face, drool lazily dripping from its lips. Some landed on me. My shirt, my face. I couldn't hear people calling out my name until later. Next thing I knew, the bear had its teeth in the back of my coat, and my knees gave out from under me.

I was dragged a good five feet before an arrow whizzed through the air. I was dropped into the snow, a roar of pain filling my ears. That's about when I passed out.

When I came to, it was dark. And warm. An excited, worried blur rushed to my side. Shoran. Things came to focus pretty quick. "Thank Mythal, you're awake!" The sweetheart, she was rambling on for a bit, saying how worried she was and that I shouldn't have given them such a scare. A Julian joined in the tent, looking like he was fighting between furious and relieved. 

"You are too much trouble, princess."

I laughed. Aren't I just? 

Turns out I added another day to our journey. Although I'm not awake enough to really care. Bears.... If that's just the wildlife, I'm so dead when it comes to demons.


	5. Blisters

Day 15

It actually took me ages to fall asleep; for what felt like hours I was just... Closing my eyes and hearing snores.  No dreams tonight.

From dawn to the time to break camp the babysitting duo was by my side. Playing good cop bad cop. Cup of tea in my hand, Shoran coddled and cooed while a looming, Antivan shadow scowled down. It was best to avoid eye contact.

... This worked for three minutes.

"What were you thinking?" Julian sounded... Pretty pissed.I flinched, looking up finally. He started going off, ranting about how it was irresponsible of me to go off on my own, to wander off so far, and to not have anything to defend myself. "You could've died yesterday, Princess!" Shoran snapped, short and scolding. "You're making her cry!" He was? I am? I wiped at my face. Oh. Guess I am. I argued, saying I was fine. "I'm just a crybaby, don't pay any attention." 

I just got up, ignoring the complaints of the scouts. I had to check up on my feet anyway. Unwrapping my feet was an interesting experience. Patches of skin gasped for air, the cold breeze extra chilly. The blisters from before were getting better. But there was also a crap ton more now. Of course. 

I was interrupted by a hug from behind. Shoran?

"Don't run off, Princess." Not Shoran. We just stayed there, for what felt like an eternity, before I had turned around to try and give him a hug back. But he let go, standing back up. And walked off.

We got on the road a little sooner than before, and it did feel a little faster. I'm guessing everyone just really wants to get home. I don't blame them.My two bodyguards--friends? They stayed by my side, hurrying me on in their own way.  

There wasn't so much on the fun side today, mainly just walking. And walking. And walking. The sun was starting to go down. And we were still walking. This was new. 

It was getting dark now. I thought that now we were going to stop. That's when the torches came out. Okay, by this point I was nervous. Spur of the moment had me panicking. Were they going to get rid of me? Of course, no. I asked Shoran. Apparently I had nothing to worry about. "We're close enough to Haven, we'll keep walking tonight until we get there." Makes sense.

Of course, this also meant we'd be walking around in the dark for who knows how long in a forest with possibly demons. I'm not ready for demons. Also, this made for a good time to contemplate my future. So to speak. Still trying to play the noble card, but who knows how long that will last. 

Hours later, lights were shining on the horizon. Fires. All clustered in one place. It was hard to see in the black of night but... I'm guessing out was Haven. I'm beat, not even gonna gripe about my feet right now. Julian gave a half squeeze goodnight, Shoran bringing me to a tent. I think I heard something about meeting someone tomorrow. 

Here we go, facing the unknown. Big rules to follow.

Stay away from Leliana

Stay away from Bull

Stay away from Egg

Stay away from Varric

Stay away from Josephine

Just stay away from everyone.

Goodnight.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day one in Haven. Orientation.

I'm already failing my list.   
  
Once more at the crack of dawn, the tent hustled and bustled with life. No sleeping is allowed once people start kicking about. Couldn't seem to find Julian or Shoran this morning. Half awake, I stumbled on my quest for breakfast. I found a cluster of men and women, and sat myself with them. Breakfast was some sort of salted meat and a spoonful of porridge.    
  
Yum.

 

I was trying to appear social, but my attention keeps going everywhere. Something would catch my eye and I would be focusing on, like, a random nug. More like a naked rabbit, really. Look at him hop around. They're…. Cute. In a disturbing way.   
  
I guess someone ratted me out, as I heard someone calling out my name. And then a flash of gold ruffles. Screaming internally, I seriously was thinking about running. I was too late, she saw me. I've been caught. She started going off, something about welcoming me into Haven, good impressions, informing family, living arrangements… what even is her blouse made out of, it really does look like woven gold. Silk, maybe? 

 

“Lady Deidre?”

“Hm?” I had spaced off again. Dangit.

“I said ‘what is your family name’? It would be a good first step into informing your relatives of your predicament.” Josephine, quill at the ready, smiled softly. Oh dear, this will be a pickle.

 

“Erm, Heywood.” I think I might have flinched, preparing for the worst. I only got the scratching of a feather across parchment in response. 

“I believe I might have had the acquaintance of a few Heywoods. Ferelden nobility, yes?” What. “Yeah.” I was a deer in the headlights, and feeling a bit incapable of more than single word answers. 

“Thank you very much, Lady Heywood, I will send a letter to your family. I hope that your stay with the Inquisition is satisfactory.” Ah. Ambassador is already thinking of winning favor with another set of nobles. … That may or may not exist. Words weren't really working for me, do I just gave a smile and a nod… Bow …. Thing. And she was off. 

 

Definitely not my idea of a morning. 

 

Now, I found myself some time to explore, reorient myself. Also to see if I can find a friendly face or two. I still haven't seen Julian or Shoran since I had gotten up. Feet crunching through the snow, I found my way through the main gate. Man, Haven was already getting crowded. Chantry sisters, refugees, soldiers all scattered about and knocking elbows together. Crowds. Fun. Getting through felt like a battle, charging through an opposing force. I'm pretty sure I stepped on someone's foot in the process. Not pleasant. 

 

The tavern wasn't much of a relief, either. Less people than outside, but still crowded. Kind of reminds me of riding the city bus. A few lucky people had found themselves a chair, the polite ones offering to give theirs to any elderly or the injured. The rest, however, were stuck standing. No one seemed to be talking much ill about it, but instead stood in their own groups and chatted together, some with drinks in hand. Was it too early to start drinking? I'm guessing not. 

 

“The princess is finally awake.” A hand clapped on my shoulder, giving out a small squeeze. Julian gave a small smile, simple yet warm.

“Am I? I don't feel very awake.” A mug was pressed into my hands. Warm. 

“Well, you don't see any demons, yes? Come on, drink up.”

Tea. “Shoran?”

“Turning in reports. She'll be back later. Until then you're stuck with me.”

“Don't you mean the other way round?”

A smile lit up the man's eyes. “Oh yes. It's a pain looking after you, princess. Always getting into trouble.”

“One time is not always.” A finger accentuated the statement, poking his chest. 

“One time too many. Come on, finish up. We've got work to do.”

 

Apparently by work, Julian meant paperwork. Me being “noble” meant I'd get a cabin. With the current living situation that meant sharing with a reluctant visiting duchess from Orlais. I think she was a duchess, anyway. We both weren't too keen on the idea. For her out was something to do with ‘rights and privileges’ of the higher class or something like that. I just don't like people. 

 

Then there was the whole… not having money dealio. Julian and I met up with Threnn, the Quartermaster. She was very stubborn in thinking I could just “ask for the coin from your family” and confused to why I'd want a job. I ended up with laundry duty. I'm pretty sure they're just trying to pacify me with this. Or see if I make a fit. Maybe. I start tomorrow.

 

Shoran caught up with us around dinner, surprising us both with a group hug from behind. She apologized for not being able to get back sooner, and then asked about our day. 

We all talked and laughed until it was curfew. Day one in Haven done. Haven't seen the herald yet. Actually, I haven't seen any of the inner circle either. Might ask tomorrow. Hopefully my new roommate doesn't snore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the silence. Also I realized I missed up Antiva's country comparison with Rivain. Whoops.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for my absence, I have gotten Skyrim and that's been in my brain for so long. Plus work. Hopefully I'll get better at more updates.

I thought I was a late sleeper. I got up at what I think was ten bells, and my roommate was still sound asleep. Huh. I have a bit of pleasure in that. Dreams were a bit odd, I'm still not really used to that. There was a lot of emotions, and I'm pretty sure not all of them were mine. I couldn't quite focus, but fear was whispering all over, anxiety everywhere. That wasn't fun. I woke up with a tight chest, my heart racing.    
  
So today was going to be great.   
  
Today was day one of my job washing clothes. Walking into the wash room was interesting, the people went silent. There was probably at least half a dozen people in here, eyes sharp and boring. Not my first choice of a greeting.    
  
A woman walked up to me. Her hair was greying, red hair fading to blonde. Arms crossed, she stared. "You Heywood?” I didn’t get any more than half of a yes out until I was given a pile of laundry and pointed towards a spot to be my station. I sort of just nodded and went to it. It wasn’t too bad, trying to clean clothes by hand. Just scrub the fabric until the dirt’s gone. Lather. Repeat. Then rinse and hang to dry. Honestly, I was a bit aimless for the first half, guessing what to do and kind of just looking around to see what everyone else was doing. God, I hope I’m doing this right. The water was disgusting, a murky, muddy shade. But I guess that just means we need to change out the water soon? 

 

I don’t know how long I was cleaning for, but my fingertips were shriveled from the water. I hate that feeling. 

 

Time kept going, the other ladies chatting and gossiping with each other. I got a few odd looks. That's when I sort of noticed. They… Were mostly elves. That didn't seem right. Was that racist of me? Food for thought. But for sure, this didn't seem right. 

 

I got called at for a break, being handed an apple and a sort of bread roll as a lunch. No one else was being called for break. Did anyone else get breaks? … jeez, this wasn't union. 

 

By the end of the day, I got three breaks. Maybe the others had one. Despite cleaning all day, I felt… Dirty. I didn't like this. I met up with Julian and Shoran for dinner. I'm not entirely sure what it was, but there was meat in it. Gamey meat. With my luck, it's nug. They seemed to be in good spirits, asking me how my first day was. I told them my hands smell like lye. They laughed.

 

I decided to ask where the herald was at. Get that squared away. “Ah, want to see Andraste's chosen hero, huh?” Shoran teased, elbowing Julian's side, who in turn avoided eye contact. She laughed. “Off in Orlais to visit with the Chantry. He should be heading back by now.” He. Well there's half that mystery solved. “You think he is, then?”

“Think who's what?” Shoran look puzzled, swallowing her mouthful of food.

“The Herald. You think he's been sent by Andraste?”

She went quiet for a second, giving a small shrug. “Whatever or whoever he is, he's what we needed. When we needed it.” She snorted. “Unless this was your ever so subtle way of asking me my beliefs.” She grinned, gesturing at her face. Ah. Dalish. I guess that was a dumb question then. Should've thought about that.

 

“What about you?”

“Hm?” I looked up, a bit surprised at Julian speaking up.

“What do you believe in?” Oh boy. We're opening up that can of worms. I… Kind of just smiling, giving an awkward chuckle. I really don't know how to explain my beliefs to them without… Making me sound suspicious. Damn it all, trying to keep a low profile. They seemed to let me off the hook, but possibly took note on my lack of an answer. Damn. 

 

Now I'm kind of just trying to avoid heading back to my cabin, as well was too crowded spaces. Having excused myself from the tavern, I decided to get some fresh night air. Maybe reorient myself. As well as… See who's in Haven right now. Up the steps still was that little inlet with Adan's little apothecary. And that empty cabin--Was it still empty? Plus… _ His _ … Cabin. I probably looked odd, attempting to appear casual as I walked around, taking quick peeks at windows before walking off. My heart was pounding in my ears, it was a terrible,  _ terrible  _ idea. 

 

“Can I help you?” came a velvet voice, causing me to freeze. Then bolt.

 

Shit.

 

I didn't even turn to look to confirm who it was or if he was following. Time for bed goodnight. I hopefully won't die tomorrow.


	8. Chapter 8

So it took me a little longer to sleep last night. Anxiety and all that. Having a heart attack right before you go to sleep is not recommended. I was pretty damn sure that the egg was going to follow me! But luckily, no. It felt like hours until I was finally assured that I was going to be left alone the rest of the night. 

Well, Dreamworld was fun. Not. Never was freaking me out yesterday was freaking me out again today. I'll be honest, it was a lot more Vivid this time. I had more of actual surroundings and just emotions. It was still kind of a blur, more like colors playing around like a kaleidoscope. But honestly I felt a little intruded upon. I'm going to blame the egg. Screw the egg.

Day 2 doing cleaning Duty. Okay, I'm really not seeing fairness in the workplace. What's the number to retail, I would get a break for every like 4 hours I would work. I'm pretty sure that a lot of these people are working from dawn to dusk. I'm seeing maybe one or two breaks. I'm working 3 hours and then I have a lunch. And my baskets are a crap-ton smaller. Holy shit this is definitely not in the Union. Racism alert! I'm pretty damn sure I'm getting some dirty looks from the other folks cleaning. I'm sorry, I just wanted to help.

I started crying again. Shit. Screw depression.

The plus side, because still they were treating me really spoiled, some people were patting my back trying to get me to stop crying, but that made me cry even more. Shit. They gave me the rest of the day off. Now my eyes are all puffy and red and I'm hiccuping and now everyone can see it. And I feel like a douchebag. Yeah. I am definitely going to lose street cred from this.

I really did not want to see anybody today, so I kind of wondered through the snow across the lake. Hell, I know there's a cabin there. I'm pretty sure Leliana knows. Who doesn't know that there's a cabin there? Scared a couple nugs on the way there. Still gross. Once I got there did a whole bunch of deep breaths, just trying to relax, the usual calming down things. It helped kind of being away from everything, trying to reevaluate my life choices. And this shitty sort of predicament I'm in. I mean shit.

"Doing alright?"

" Jesus!" I jumped. Like literally jumped. Shoran. " What are you doing here?" I'm starting to think that she's following me. But that just might be just me being a paranoid anxious freak.

"I always come here to relax." She just smiled, taking an inhale of the crisp air. "It's a nice place to step away from everyone. To be alone." I relaxed, looking back at her. She gets freaked too? That's actually... Reassuring. 

"Yeah..."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really." Hell no.

She just smiled, giving a shrug. "That's alright. No need. Let's just relax."

"... Thanks." we kind of just hung out. We pulled chairs out of the cabin and sat in the snow until it got too cold. Then we went back in the cabin. We didn't even say a word. It wasn't awkward though, it was nice. Turned out actually to be a really good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hope everyone's having a good holiday season. Sorry I haven't posted but that's life. I've had job, things like that. But you all are beautiful and I love you.


End file.
